Fantastic First Impressions

Myth #1: To make a great change in your life, you must change who you are.  Not so.  You must become more completely who you already are." - Rick Smith, The Leap: How 3 Simple Changes Can Propel Your Career from Good to Great

 Ahh...the first impression...a mere 90 seconds to win them over or, perhaps...it's over. So what do people say to themselves when they meet you? Do they say, there's something about this person that I really like? Whether you are trying to get a great deal on a Martin LX1E acoustic-electric guitar with a solid Sitka spruce top, mahogany high-pressure laminate back and sides, with a warm satin finish or you're in the first of a series of 'dream job' interviews or even asking someone out on a date (perhaps to join you around a glowing fire while you jam on your new guitar in celebration of your latest greatest career move), you need to establish a connection. Research shows that you have about 90 seconds to make a favorable impression. Here are 3 keys to making a positive, truly memorable, connection. 

1. The Initial Greeting

• You have a few precious seconds to show them that you are safe, trustworthy, and worthy of their valuable time.
• Make eye contact and hold it right there. To make sure you are giving them the attention they deserve, notice their eye color (in your head; don't say it out loud...that would be weird). You can practice this the next time you watch a video online. What color are their eyes? 
• Be the first to say, 'Hi!' and offer a handshake.
• A firm handshake is essential (not a death grip...and no dead fish). Ever have someone shake your hand and it feels like they just handed you a dead fish? Eesh. Oh, and lean in a little to show confidence. 
• Your body language says it all. Make sure you are facing them squarely as if they are the only person in the room. The next time you are at a meeting, conference, mingling, etc., take a look around. If you see two people talking and one of them has one foot pointed away from the other, they are subconsciously looking for an escape. And if their body is half turned away, they are about to make a run for it. Keep this in mind when you are talking to someone. Make a conscious effort to square up. Your goal is to make them feel valuable. 

2. Rapport

• Sometimes we underestimate the power of building rapport and/or making a connection. It not only determines the way we think about someone, but the way our relationship with that person evolves. Connecting will bring infinite rewards. Our personal growth and evolution come about as a result of connecting with others. Connect and we get cooperation, we feel safe, we feel love. This is what causes someone to open up to you. Building rapport has much more to do with how you make people feel than the way you look. It’s about connecting and making others feel good about themselves.
• The key to establishing rapport with strangers is to learn how to become 'like' them. It's called Mirroring. I go out of my way to mirror the person I'm with. If they are leaning forward across the table from me, I do the same.  If they speak with confidence, so do I. If they speak softly, I switch to a softer tone. This is a great way to immediately help someone feel comfortable with you. Now, I don't necessarily do everything they do. If they are having difficulty making eye contact, looking all over the room, I don't follow suit. I stick with the rules I mentioned above. 
• Find common ground. I met Paul at lunch today and he happened to live in Upper Black Eddy, PA. Well... I lived in Upper Black Eddy until I was six. As it turns out, we went to the same kindergarten! That was an instant connection. I recently met with five new sales representatives. I made a connection with each of them by either having once lived in their home town, had a relative that did, or in one case, born in the same hospital. Connections can also be made through hobbies, school/major, sports, knowing the same person, etc. Go out of your way to find a connection.
• Adding value. My favorite way to connect is to add value to others. One of the most powerful ways you can create value for other people is simply to appreciate them. Notice the things they do that make a difference, no matter how small, and point them out. 
• Have 'Why', 'What's it Like', or 'How did you get involved in' conversations. This involves exploring the person’s values. Why did you choose that school/major? Why do you like ______(hobby)? What's it like being a teacher? How did you get involved in Mom's Demand Action? 'Why', 'What's it Like', and 'How did you get involved in' conversations explore what genuinely matters. This is how real connections are made.

3. Communication that Makes a Difference

• Become an active listener. If you want to make an impression that lasts, learn to listen. 
• My favorite listening technique is called the 'Echo Technique'. Simply put, you want to repeat (Echo) the last thing they say. For example, if they say, "I have been worried about making our quarterly estimates." Using the Echo Technique, you would respond with, "Your quarterly estimates?"  
• Or, my kids might say, "Dad, I did really well on my history exam!" Where I would reply, "You did really well on your history exam?" Kid says, "Yeah! I studied all night and I think I got an 'A'!" To which I would say, "An 'A'!?!" Kid responds, "Yeah an 'A'! Can we go out for dinner tonight!?!" 
• Leave them wanting more. My favorite networking question is, "What can I do to help your business grow?" You would be surprised at how often they don't have an answer, but they will be blown away by your desire to add value to their world. 

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Avoid these pitfalls:

• Don’t interrupt, and don’t end other people’s sentences for them.
• Take Dale Carnegie’s advice:  don’t complain, don’t condemn, and don’t criticize.
• …and avoid giving one-word answers.

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One last interesting tip: 'Eye Cues' for detecting lies.

• Some studies on Neuro Linguistic Programing suggest that When asked a question a "normally organized" right-handed person looks (from your viewpoint, looking at them):
• Up and to the left when constructing information (lying).           
• Up and to the right when remembering information. 
• Click this link to find out more about Eye Direction and Lying.
  

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In closing:

• Learning to make a good impression won’t happen over night. 

• First impressions are essential to your success in business and in your personal life.
• It’s not something that comes naturally for most of us.
• You must practice to get good at it.
• Remember, first impressions are everlasting.
• "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." - Oscar Wilde or Will Rodgers (we're not sure who said it first, but they are both given credit). 

 
      Check out John's books The No Shorts Book and Deciding to Thrive.